Hurt People Hurt People

Comic Book and Movie Villains are nothing more than bullies.
In The Incredibles (2004), little Buddy Pine grows up to become
the malevolent villain, Syndrome.

As part of my son's Gracie Jiu-Jitsu training, the coach will put the students in imaginary but 'real world' confrontations and then teach them how to protect themselves and get out of the situation. The common scenario he puts them in is the schoolyard bully who is trying take their lunch money by force. It's an old cliché but it's an all too real situation that children still encounter today. In the news more and more stories of bullied children are being told. Some of these children have been bullied to the point of suicide. Because of these horrific instances, anti-bullying laws are now being pushed to protect the vulnerable.

But bullying isn't only found on the playground or in grade schools. Many child bullies grow up to become adult bullies; and adult bullies can be more intimidating and more threatening than their younger counterparts. Adult bullies can be found in the workplace, in social clubs, in the neighborhood and even in the church. So, why do bullies bully?

The cute little orphan, Goob, grows up to become the menacing
Bowler Hat Guy in Disney's Meet the Robinsons (2007)

After years of reading comic books and watching movies, it has become clear to me that villains are usually nothing more than big bullies. Some villains are thieves and some are monsters but usually, they're just bullies. Villains are usually out for revenge. They want to make the people who hurt them in the past, pay and pay dearly. Their broken past and the injustices they faced, usually as a child, are the catalysts that made them a villain. In fact, Tip #2 of the Seven Tips on Creating a Fantastic Fantasy Villain, found on the Fantasy Faction website, touches on this.

To create a Lovable Villain you need to make them characters with whom readers can relate. There are ways of doing this that will help our readers empathise with the most miserable antagonist. Villains can own their own set of injustices. If they feel they are ‘hard done by’, by society, life or circumstance, they not only have an understandable reason for maladjusted behaviour, but they will have enough logic for their actions to allow the reader to have some sympathy towards their plight. From a single human frailty, such as fear, jealousy, or loneliness your villain can still generate evil but they will also have at least one character trait for a reader to relate to. Child abuse, neglect, ridicule in their early life could well influence a villain’s lack of self esteem and arouse a sense of sympathy from the reader.

To make them seem 'real' to their audience, authors and screen writers will give their villains a history that is believable; something people can relate to. Two recent, animated villains with a troubling past come to mind, Syndrome (The Incredibles, 2004) and the Bowler Hat Guy (Meet the Robinsons, 2007). In the movie clip below, Syndrome reveals the childhood rejection that made him a bitter villain.

These are are a couple of fun, fictitious examples of how villains are made, but I think there may be some truth to them. I'm no expert on this subject but I have noticed that some people who come from broken backgrounds do end up as bullies; not all, but some. I know because I've experienced a few of these people in my life. Although I grew up in a rough neighborhood, I had a pleasant childhood. I didn't have any traumatic experiences so I cannot relate to how a person like this may feel; but I know they must be hurting. Because they are hurting, they hurt others.

Now, I have to mention that in comic books and movies, the hero usually has a past too. The hero usually comes from a broken background too; but the difference is that the hero has turned his bad experiences into something good. He becomes a fighter for justice and not a menacing villain. So, maybe bullies are not just victims of their circumstances. Maybe they do have choice to do the right thing but they choose not to.

"People who are bullies haven't dealt with their own insecurities of low self esteem and self-worth. By controlling and manipulating and coercing they hide their own insecurities."

(from Steve Hutto's blog post Bullies In The Church?)

So, what about us, the disciples of Yeshua? If we are born again and if we've put away the sinfulness of our past and we are trying to live a godly life, why are there bullies in the church? I like what Steve Hutto says in his blog post about bullies in the church -- "People who are bullies haven't dealt with their own insecurities of low self esteem and self-worth. By controlling and manipulating and coercing they hide their own insecurities." When we are born again, there is a change that happens within us but this change does not erase our past. In fact, after we have accepted Messiah, we may still be affected by our past sins and/or the past sins done against us. This is why we have to intentionally address them. We need to accept forgiveness from God for our sins and know in our hearts that He truly has forgiven us. This will remove the guilt. Then we need to truly forgive those who have sinned against us. We need to release them to God and in doing so the anger toward them and the need to get revenge is removed. Being forgiven and forgiving others will release us from the bondage of sin. Hutto goes on to say, "The problem is that a bully doesn't trust God in the areas of his/her insecurities. They look to their own 'strengths' instead [of] acknowledging their weaknesses. Thus the power of Christ is not free to move in and through them." A disciple of Yeshua who is a bully, who has not addressed their past, will not be able to move in the fullness of the Spirit. There will always be this, their past hurts, holding them back. They will not be as effective as they could be in their job of advancing the Kingdom.

Hurt people hurt people; but forgiven people forgive people.

Related Links:
The Serial Bully
www.BullyOnline.org

Bullies In The Church?
Steve Hutto's Blog

Big Bad Bully
Psychology Today

Healing Past Hurts
www.LordsLaw.com



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Jewish Tradition and our Messianic Community

The Jewish Symbols Floor Puzzle from All Things Jewish

During our past four midrash meetings we've discussed Jewish Tradition and its place in the Messianic Community; more specifically our Messianic Community. This discussion brought up related topics that we briefly addressed but I may, however, elaborate on them in the future. The timing of our series of discussions was interesting. In the middle of the discussions a new issue of FFOZ's Messianic Journal was released. In it was an article called Halachic Authority in the Life of the Messianic Community which addresses this issue from their perspective. We didn't discuss this article as a group, and since only one person had a copy, we provided those involved an opportunity to read it. Another interesting coincidence that happened about the same time was the Ralph Messer/Eddie Long incident. We spent some time discussing this event because we found it relevant to the topic of Jewish Tradition in the Messianic Community.

The reason for the discussion was to get an idea of the feelings and thoughts that the community has toward Jewish Tradition. I've got my own thoughts and opinions but I wanted to hear what others had to say before we make any changes to our services. Most of the folks in our congregation have a Protestant/Evangelical background. I, on the other hand, have a Roman Catholic background with very little exposure to the Christian church. I was brought up in a very liturgical form of worship and most of the other folks have not.

As expected, the feelings and thoughts spanned the gamut from pro-Jewish Tradition to no-Jewish Tradition. The related topics ranged from tzitzit ties to Two-House theology. We weren't trying to come to a conclusion, we were just talking. But the final consensus was to continue to approach Jewish Tradition in the same way that we have been—one tradition at a time, weighing each tradition against Scripture and against our core beliefs and then asking ourselves if it is helpful, relevant and meaningful. It was a good exercise and helpful to find out where everyone stands. As we continue to grow, we may not have the opportunity to have intimate discussions like this again. I want to take advantage of this while I can.

We are Messianic and not Messianic Jewish. We realize that since most of us are not Jewish, we will be criticized for adopting and altering Jewish Tradition to fit our needs. We are prepared for this and after watching what happened down in Georgia, we know what not to do.

There is so much more to say about this topic. This is why tradition will be left as an ongoing conversation in our community.

Related Articles:
The place of Rabbinic Tradition in Messianic Judiasm
by Dr. Michael L. Brown, 1988

Traditions: Some Thoughts on the Place of Tradition in Torah Communities
by Tim Hegg, 2001



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Video Of The Day - 02/15/12

Little Mo likes the baby in the mirror.

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Matthew 5:11

From time to time I will receive emails with words of encouragement or heartfelt exhortations. As they pray for me, believing friends and family will send Scripture passages that they feel led to share.

A second ago, someone sent this passage to me...

"Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, 

and persecute you, 

and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, 

for my sake." 

KJV

That was the whole email, Matthew 5:11.

I wonder what they heard now. On second thought, I don't care. Just keep praying for me folks. I need it and I greatly appreciate it.

Hands to the plow...



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21—The Threefold 7

Margaret and I at Michaela's Bat Mitzvah, December 18, 2011.

Happy Anniversary Margaret!

I Love You!

It's hard to believe that this past Saturday was our 21st wedding anniversary. Before we were married, Margaret and I had been dating for four years; starting in the tenth grade. We were barely twenty years old when we were married. Soon after our wedding, I remember someone telling me that if we could make it past the first seven years, our marriage would have a chance. Margaret and I agree that the first seven years were the hardest. We find it curious that for the first seven years we didn't have children. We didn't plan it like this, it just happened this way. In fact, our first child was born fifteen days after our seventh anniversary. Looking back, it seems that this new life was an indication of the new life that we would soon experience in our marriage. Two years later, Margaret gave birth to our second child and this same year Margaret and I committed our lives to Yeshua. We were born again and given a new life, eternal life. Since then our marriage has become stronger and stronger.

We believe that marriage is forever and I'm sure most people do; otherwise why would traditional wedding vows include the phrase 'til death do us part?' I'm not saying that divorce doesn't happen. My point is that nobody gets married thinking they are going to divorce. If that's the case then why get married in the first place? Why go through all the trouble? Marriage is a lifetime commitment. It is a total commitment but not a perfect commitment. We give our whole life to our spouse not just part of it. But since we are human and we err, our commitment will not be a perfect one. Marriage is not something that we accomplish but something we work at. Our marriages need constant care and attention. They need to be nurtured and not neglected. We need to remember that there is no such thing as a perfect marriage because there are no perfect people.

At Front Range, we believe we are called to a multigenerational faith. This means that it is our responsibility to pass our faith on to the next generation. We are commanded to pass, to our children, the ways of God; and a strong marriage is necessary in accomplishing this task. A healthy marriage is a visual image, or representation, of the relationship that our God has with us. A dysfunctional marriage diminishes this image of God. This is why, at Front Range, it is our desire to help strengthen the marriages in our community. After Shabbat Service, on the first and third Saturdays, we hold a men's time. This is a time of strengthening and encouraging the men in the community to step up and be the men that God has called them to be -- the spiritual leaders in their homes. And then after service on the second and fourth Saturdays, we hold a women's time. This is a time of equipping and encouraging the women of the community -- young and old, single and married. Strong marriages will make healthy families and a healthy family is the proper environment to raise and disciple our children.

I thank God daily for the gift of my beautiful wife. I pray that He will continue to conform me into the man that I need to be, to lead and protect her.

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